Things that make me saddish.

So, I've hit day four of The Funk. And day four of The Funk has hit back. Hard. Right in the babymaker. Except not. Ew.

In honor of my inexplicable doldrumitude, I'm going to share some things that make me feel even more Eeyorish than I would normally. Sigh. Thanks for noticing this list:

1. People sitting alone in restaurants: I mean, I do it all the time, generally with a good book. But I'm talking, like, elderly people... sitting alone... not surrounded by family... probably remembering the good ol' days before Hank/Betty died when they would eat together... probably wishing that that girl with the clearly fake red hair who keeps peering at them from the next table would either say something conversational or learn to mind their own damn business. Kids these days! No respect for America's finest generation. Meh.

Anyway, despite the fact that they seem to judge me so harshly, I feel sad for them.

2. Kids that get picked on in school: And I know it's everyone. But kids are ANIMALS and some kids get it worse than others. Ugh. I can't even think about this one. Move on.

3. CHRISTMAS: Christmas turns me into a pathetic, quivering, sobbing, snotty, temperamental DISASTER. Seriously. I generally start my drinking oh, maybe Thanksgiving? And don't stop until the last stocking has been emptied of it's plunder and the tree is nestled safely back in it's box in our attic.

I hate the music, I hate the lights, I hate the Santas and the creches, I definitely hate how perky everyone gets and I strangely enough don't really enjoy getting presents. Giving, always fun for me. Getting, not so much. I also hate how incongruous the lights and festivity and general feeling of ho ho ho are with the fact that it's pitch black by 4 pm. Yick. And for some reason, all Christmas music (From "Don't They Know It's Christmas Time at Home" to "What Do You Give a Wookie for Christmas") makes me think of all the poor children who don't get Christmas presents because they're POOR. Ugh. I need to become a communist and get it over with.

And need I mention that Jesus wasn't born in the winter and that most Christmas traditions are pagan? Not like I mind- oh, no- but still. Christmas. Ugh.

Wow, this has been really cathartic for me. Let's move on to:

4. Dead/sick/abused animals: I know that everything has to die, but not necessarily under a tire. Sigh. And I think that people who abuse animals should have pieces of their body forcibly and painfully removed. Just saying.

5. Buying a book at Barnes and Noble and thinking, wow, this looks intriguing, but then finding out it wasn't worth the $17.27 you paid after your member discount: This is really getting to be a strain on the budget. But books are like Pandora's Box to me... I have no self control. I hate disappointing books. I hate not finishing a book out of boredom. Sigh.

6. Child Abuse: I think the only punishment for sexual abuse of a minor should be castration. Make it happen, people.

7. Being easily forgotten: I really think that's my worst fault, is that I'm virtually impossible to remember. And it makes me sad.

8. People dying their hair blonde: because, seriously? WHY?

9. One-legged puppies: because they've got the heart of a champion. Oh, Li'l Brudder.... I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm thinking about male modelling... or high finance.

10. The fact that I use my blogspace to make long personal lists about myself: Isn't there something else I could be talking about here? I'd better wrap this up.
Ugh. I'm blue like jazz, man... I'm going to eat some more Chex mix (so I can be sad about being fat, too) and maybe pretend not to notice myself in the mirror.